The over/under on the NFL season...
Published: Monday, February 4, 2013
Updated: Wednesday, February 6, 2013 22:02
The Super Bowl was on Sunday.
Beyonce The Baltimore Ravens won. There was a large power-outage that is now being held overly responsible for the way the game unfolded last night. There was only one Kate Upton commercial.
If you’re reading this with the intention of finding a sufficient game recap that will fill up the time it takes you to walk across campus, I apologize ahead of time for what you’re about to read. For game details, may I suggest ESPN, CNN or your friend’s obnoxiously opinionated Facebook status.
In order for this article to make sense, let me give you some background. I am a firm believer that the world revolves around the proposition bet, better known as a “prop” bet. Prop bets are those small bets you make every day, unknowingly.
Five dollars you can eat more pancakes than your friend? Prop bet. Ten bucks that Wag will have chicken sandwiches? Prop bet. Fifty bucks that you can eat five Wag chicken sandwiches? Gambling problem. Probably some sort of gastrointestinal problem, too.
With that said, the Super Bowl is the Mecca of prop bets.
Every year, some obscure company in Las Vegas releases a list of preposterous lines that anyone can bet on. For example, one line bets that halftime performer Beyonce’s hair would be straight instead of curly. The line was set at +110. (The higher the number, the more unlikely it is to happen.) Some other prop bets included the color of the Gatorade each team used, the jersey number of the first player to score a touchdown, and whether Jay-Z would join his wife on-stage during the halftime show.
So, with a theme I would only get away with because it’s a college paper, here are some prop bets that didn’t get noticed during the 2012-2013 NFL Season. Keep in mind that these lines are completely arbitrary and would probably the laughing stock of some NFL-stat guru somewhere.
People in your friend group who thought Peyton Manning and Adrian Peterson were going to have the incredible years that they did: (over/under 3)
Both players had phenomenal years. Manning, named the NFL’s comeback player of the year, threw for 4,659 yards and 37 touchdowns, compiling a 105.8 passer rating all after having offseason neck surgery. A season after tearing his ACL, Peterson, the NFL MVP, rushed for 2,097 yards, falling nine yards short of breaking the NFL single-season record.
Will the Baltimore Ravens win the Super Bowl? (+300)
Coming into the season, the Ravens weren’t a particularly popular bet to take home the Lombardi Trophy. The defense was getting older, Joe Flacco was making outrageous claims about his talent and the AFC was stacked. Six months later, the defense is still pretty old, Joe Flacco can back up that talk with a big shiny ring, and the AFC doesn’t seem nearly as tough.
Beyonce would perform at half time of the Super Bowl and remind everyone that she probably has more power than the President. (+100)
I mean, those facial expressions.
The power in the Super Dome was going to go out, forcing network television to ad-lib by running the same ads over again to the dismay of the average watcher and the thrill of advertising companies. (+600)
In case you didn’t hear the first 100 times, roughly half the stadium’s power shut off in the beginning of the third quarter. Up to this point, the game had been somewhat of a dud. Baltimore was cruising, up 28-6. Jacoby Jones’ 108-yard kickoff return for a touchdown to start the second half seemed like the nail in the coffin. The power then shut off, and after a 30-minute delay, the game resumed. The 49ers looked like a completely different team when the lights came back on, coming within a questionably bad pass inference no-call away from taking the lead late in the fourth quarter. What was looking like a blowout turned into a great game due to the unfortunate power outage. So thank you, undoubtedly now-unemployed electrician. You hooked us up.
Chances Ray Lewis would spontaneously combust/ascend into the heavens after winning his final game. (+200)
Pretty bummed this one didn’t happen. Seemed like a sure bet.
Amount of people who make it to the end of this article: (over/under 10)
I’ll take the under.